


We'll Never Be Truly Free

by Oddly_terrifying_squiggle



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A lot of Historical Inaccuracy, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Historical Inaccuracy, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Major Character Almost Death, john deserved better, switching pov's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 21:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15179984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle/pseuds/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle
Summary: They had won the war and John had finally gotten his plans for the battalion approved. He gets an unexpected visit from his best friend and lover, when suddenly things take a turn for the worst.A.K.A an angsty lams fic with a happy ending, I promise.





	We'll Never Be Truly Free

**Author's Note:**

> Here you go, have this angsty fic that took me a suspiciously short amount of time to write! I hope you enjoy this oneshot!

Lieutenant Colonel Laurens was in South Carolina, finally starting the first black battalion. The Revolution was over, no more blood, no more death, no more tears. He could finally relax a bit. Don’t get him wrong, he loved fighting for this new nation’s freedom, he just found it exhausting. However, the fight wasn’t over yet, there were still slaves who needed to be free and Laurens would not stop fighting until everyone was free. How else would he be remembered? Once he succeeds with his goal he would go back to New York, to Alexander. Of course, they would have to address themselves as best friends, for it was not legal for the two men to love each other in the 18th century. John sat at his desk, writing a letter to his one and only.

“Greetings, _Lieutenant Colonel Laurens_ ,” A voice called as it entered his tent. Wait, he knew that voice, it was his favourite voice. He immediately whipped around to make sure, and there he stood, arms stretched out and a grin on his face.

“Alexander!” Laurens cried out as the joy took over him and he leapt up to embrace the shorter man. He then pulled away to hold his face in both hands in order to inspect it, “W-Wait, why are you here? Are you not supposed to be in office?” He questioned, slightly concerned.

Hamilton beamed “Well, I was sent to check on your regiment, I am to return in two days.”

“That is a fairly short deadline, but I am certain we can make it work,” John laughed as he put his forehead on Alex’s, “I am so very happy to see you, _Major General Hamilton_.” He teased.

Alexander rolled his eyes with a grin, as he does, “I have told you so many times, you do not have to call me that anymore, Laurens, for the war is over and I’ve become a lawyer,” He stated as they separated completely.

“ I am well aware of that, and I intend to join you once I am done with the battalion, yet I doubt that I will ever stop addressing you in that way, it has become a bit of a habit, dear boy,” was John’s simple response as he walked towards his desk, “Now, let us get this over with as soon as possible, the faster we finish this, the longer we have to spend together.”

Hamilton made his way to Laurens’ side with a sigh, “You never cease to amuse me, my dearest,” He joked, earning a chuckle from the shrugging John, “Alright, the first thing I have to check is--” He was interrupted by a young man who had ran in to the tent.

“Sir! I apologize for my intrudence, but we are under attack!” The man yelled, clearly out of breath.

The two other men turned to the soldier as soon as they heard him, “What?” Laurens’ voice was firm, but not loud enough to scare the former slave.

The man attempted to regain his breath, “Some redcoats came and started attacking us, Sir!” He informed the Lieutenant Colonel.

John was seemingly baffled by the sudden information, “But the war is over! Why are the British here? They should be gone by now!” His tone grew louder as he felt the panic start to rise up inside of him. He gathered his sword and his gun “Colonel! Gather the men and the gear, take everyone to their positions, and, for God’s sake, make sure no one dies!” John’s command was clear. The man saluted before running off to obey the orders.

Before Laurens could exit the tarp he felt a tight grip on his arm “Laurens, let me fight with you,” He heard Alexander’s voice plead.

John turned to his love with a gentle yet commanding expression. Alexander’s face didn’t change, the same demanding expression he used to get what he wanted. “Alexander, you are a civilian in this situation, we’re supposed to _protect_ you,” Was John’s attempt to convince Alex to stay in the tent, but he knew this man was not going to give up easily, one of the many reasons he loved him. John tried to leave it at that and exit his temporary home.

Alexander just held on tighter and shot back, “John, you and I both know that I am much more than just a lawyer. I fought in The Revolution with you, and as long as the British are still fighting us, my job in protecting our new nation is far from over!” Hamilton was serious about this. His voice was filled with the same passion as it was the night they met.

John was hesitant about this, but he knew if he denied Alexander he would just go behind his back anyway. “Fine,” Was the simple word he could muster out with a sigh as he handed Hamilton his own gun. Laurens reached up to softly cup Hamilton’s face, “Dear boy, do not throw away your shot, promise me to stay alive...” He demanded. Hamilton smiled and nodded before quickly kissing John, “Same goes to you, my love…” He replied before they approached the battle.

 

 

They reached the battle field, ready for the moment of adrenaline. John observed the redcoats, it was a smaller troop than those they fought before. Some British troops were already either dead or injured, there’s hope for their ass after all. John and Alexander exchanged a determined look before parting ways to help attack the enemy. Laurens unsheathed his sword and started running towards two British soldiers who were attacking one of his men.

“Stand your ground! Keep attacking!” He commanded as he maneuvered his weapon into the chest of one of the soldiers.

Laurens dodged the bullets that were sent flying toward him. He swung his sword at as many British soldiers as he could with the quick movements of his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a British troop getting shot off of a horse. An idea entered his mind and he ran towards the panicked animal to attempt to hastily calm it down. John pet the stallion and talked in a soothing voice, resembling what he did when Alexander got too enraged, quickly succeeding in his task. He climbed onto the war horse and gave it a few kicks so it would start moving. The horse stood on it’s hind legs before starting to run, almost knocking John off, but he held on. He knew how to ride a horse. Laurens rode the stallion across the horde of enemy troops, trampling the ones he missed with the swift mouvements of his sword. He did not quite understand why so many bullets were missing him, especially during the time he tamed the horse. Although, he was confident that it had something to do with a certain immigrant, due to the fact that he saw most British troops who were ready to shoot at him fall to the ground before they could pull the trigger.

Hamilton was determined to help win this battle in every way he could, and obviously protect Laurens as well, he wasn’t about to let a man of such importance to him die. Alexander lived to serve his country, and if they won the war there was no doubt that they could emerge victorious from this measly battle. He had to admit, he mostly shot at the troops that were about to assault Laurens, but of course he protected himself as well. He had run out of bullets multiple times, but he was quick to steal a gun from one of the corpses. Suddenly, Alexander felt a heavy weight on his back that almost made him fall. One of the Brits had jumped onto his back in an attempt to take him down. Alexander stood his ground and pulled the man over his head, successfully ripping him from his back. The man rolled onto the muddy ground then stood back up while unsheathing his sword. He swung at Hamilton but he was quick enough to block the blow with his gun. Alexander overpowered his strength, pushing him down once again, and, with one swift movement, took his sword and stabbed him in the chest. Hamilton decided to keep the sword with him to help him fight. He looked around, noticed that most of the British henchmen were on the ground, they were clearly going to win this.

“RETREAT!” John heard one of the British men cry out. Atop his horse he looked around at the fleeing troops as he let out a victorious cry.

The next thing he knew, he felt as if his chest was being ripped apart and he fell off of the horse. He was on the ground. It was cold. His vision began to blur.

Alexander saw it when the bullet hit Laurens. He saw it when he fell off the horse and hit the ground hard. The panic took control of his body as he ran at full speed to his love’s side.

“I swear to God, Laurens, I look away for five minutes and this is what happens!” Alexander scolded him as he cradled the injured man in his arms to apply pressure to the wound. His words earned him a weak laugh from John.

“Hey, it will be okay,” John croaked out as he put a cold, weak hand on the others face. He felt hot tears stream down his face, but he kept his smile.

Alexander couldn’t prevent the tears from forming. Sadness, grief, panic, anger, and confusion danced in him all at once. The tears kept coming and he couldn’t stop them. “No! John! Don’t you dare die! Please! Stay alive for me! Plese...” He sobbed out, he didn’t know what he was saying anymore, his main concern was making sure this man did not bleed out.

John placed his hand on Alexander’s, which was on his wound. “...I’m sorry… Alexander…” He managed to say. The last thing he remembered was being shaken, Alexander’s panicked face, and the inaudible screams coming from him.

 

 

Laurens’ eyes shot open, but he didn’t really wake up. The world seemed… brighter. It felt easier to breathe. The atmosphere was comforting. He looked around, he was in… his childhood home… Everything was confusing, but it was comfortable. He sat up on the bed, hitting his head in the process. The contact startled him and he put his hand on his head, but he realized he did not feel pain. John lowered his hand in confusion.

“Hello, son” John heard a familiar, soothing voice greet him. He whipped his head towards the source of it.

The sight took him aback. He was overjoyed. He smiled wide, tears of joy in his eyes. “Mother!” Laurens cried as he ran to wrap her in his arms. He pulled away to ask the questions that flooded his mind “W-Wait, where am I? You’re supposed to be dead! W-Where is Alexander!? How did I get here? What happened to Alex?!” He spoke very quickly as his concern for his love grew.

His mother sighed then sat in a chair. She patted the chair next to her with a smile for him to sit down, he obliged. “This is a place where decisions are made. The decision to either go to heaven or keep living…” Her voice was gentle yet her words left him shocked, “I _am_ dead, I am simply here to welcome you and help you make a decision,” Laurens found her to be strangely calm, “You’re here because you got shot.” She finished. The memories returned to him, he felt a wave of an emotion he couldn’t quite explain.

John was still extremely shocked and confused, but he finally found his words, “W-Where is Hamilton?” He asked once again, more relaxed this time.

His mother made a mouvement with her hand, causing something to appear. Laurens wasn’t quite sure what it was exactly, it seemed like a window but nothing could be seen through it. It was pitch black. After a few seconds, an image began to appear. John moved closer to see it better. At the sight of Alexander he immediately put all of his attention onto the window-like thing.

 

 

Hamilton thanked the doctor for doing more than he could to save Laurens. Currently, Alexander’s favourite freckled friend laid on the desk in his tent. He was thankfully alive, for now at least. There was still a high possibility that the lieutenant colonel would not make it. The chances for survival were slim, but Alexander knew that Laurens was a strong man, he would make it. Please, God, let him make it. The former major general shut the door flap once the doctor walked out so he could be alone with what was once John’s lively body. Alex sat at his love’s side, he took one of his hands in his own and brought it up to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on it. He brought the hand back down, but he didn’t dare let go. Hamilton rubbed the back of John’s hand with his thumb, he felt the tears start to pour once again. Laurens was going to live. He had to.

 

 

John felt his eyes sting at the sight. He reached out to touch the small version of his best friend, but his hand fazed through it. He hated to see Hamilton so hurt. John loved Alexander with every last inch of his heart. At that moment John wanted to be alive. He wanted to go back, embrace him, be with him for the rest of their lives.

He heard his mother let out a sigh, “That man means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” She asked as if the answer was obvious.

Laurens looked away, “He’s the closest friend I’ve got…” He responded simply.

His mother gave him a loving smile, “It is quite clear that you two love each other.” Her voice was soft. Her voice wasn’t anything like his father’s, it wasn’t hard or demanding, cruel or cold. It was warm and kind. He loved his mother, he really did. However, he also loved Alexander. His mother had always tried to protect Laurens and his siblings from their father. Ever since she died their father had been worse than ever, abusive and cruel. His father would never have been this understanding towards him, especially in this situation. He’d love to stay with his mother, but he couldn’t find it in himself to leave his one true love behind. Sure, his life was complete agony, his father hated him, Alexander had married and had children, John had married a woman who he impregnated, she died three months after, he never showed affection towards her, he never met his daughter, the incident with Francis, he was having an affair with another married man, and he knew he would never be remembered, but Alexander made all that disappear. He made life worth living.

He looked to his mother, tears forming in his eyes, “We do, we really do…” Was his response. He was afraid of what his mother would do, would say, until he felt a soft hand on his own.

His mother gave him a reassuring and kind look, “There are people on this earth who will not accept you for who you are. They will say that what you are is a sinner, the will say that you are defying the one above. If they catch you in the act they’ll do terrible things to you…” Her voice cracked and tears started to fall down her face, “But don’t you ever believe them. You are meant to be this way. The one above will never punish you for it.” She finished her statement with a smile and let go of her son’s hand.

Laurens immediately  wrapped the woman in a tight hug, “I love you, mom. I’ve missed you so much…” He said. John was crying, but he smiled. He felt his mother return the tight embrace and heard her say “I love you too, son. I missed you so much…” before pulling away.

“Would you like to go back?” She asked with that gentle voice of her’s. Laurens love his mother, so much, and he wanted to be with her. However, he was not going to leave Alex. “Yes,” He started, “Yes! I do not care how much pain I will be in or, or what I have to do, I can not leave him, I must be with him. Alexander makes me happier than anyone else and I love him with all of my heart. I adore you, mother, but I must go back.” He stated.

His mother gave him one last loving smile, “Of course,” She began, “One day everything will have been worth it. One day no one will have to live in hiding because they fear being themselves.” She proclaimed before gently placing a hand on his eyes.

“Thank you…” John whispered contently. “I’ll see you on the other side, son.” Was the last thing he heard his beloved mother say before the light and comfort went away.

 

 

Everything was darker. The air was thicker. The comfort was gone. His chest felt like it had been torn apart. His eyes fluttered open, he felt weak and as soon as his eyes opened his eyelids felt heavy. He felt Alexander’s warm hands around his own. Laurens turned his head to see Hamilton laying his head on his hands, eyes closed. John weakly smiled and squeezed one of Alexander’s hands. He tried to speak but he broke out in coughs. The sudden sound awakened the shorter man, his head shot up as soon as he heard it. His face lit up when he saw that Laurens was awake, he was overjoyed.

“John!” Alexander cried out as he jumped up to embrace his injured lover, he soon felt himself start to cry due to the relief and the joy. John was alive! He made it! Laurens returned the hug, he also started crying again, but they were both laughing.

Alexander pulled away and John reached up to caress his cheek, “You had me worried sick, Jackie! Never do that again!” Alex tried to scold, earning himself a quiet laugh from Laurens.

“Do not call me “Jackie”, I have told you so many times,” John rolled his eyes. They broke out into giggles soon after, everything could go back to the way it was supposed to be. Well, almost everything…

John noticed the slight shift in Alexander’s expression, “Alexander? Are you alright?” His voice was laced with concern.

Alexander looked to him, “Yes… It’s just…” He started, “...Laurens, you were shot in the line of duty… I am afraid that you are no longer capable of  leading this regiment...” Hamilton’s voice was soft and pitiful, he knew exactly how much this meant to him. He’d heard him enthuse about his plan time and time again, neither of them ever got tired of it.

The words hit John hard, his eyes grew wide, “...What? No… No! I-I am fine! I can still lead!” He blurted out and tried to sit up, Hamilton was quick to push him back down.

“Don’t do that! You have to rest, my love!” Alexander scolded once again. He sighed then held the other’s hand, “I know how much this means to you, Laurens, but I am afraid there is not much I can do…” He looked at Laurens’ sad and defeated eyes. Alex knew he felt like a failure, “...What I _am_ capable of doing is that I can make sure someone you approve of gets the position to lead,” Alexander tried to reassure. John’s eyes showed the slightest bit of hope at that, Hamilton squeezed his hand, “You can try to join me in office if you’d like, you’d be able to help me with that task. We could battle slavery there as well, we could write essays against it, we’d also be working close to Washington. I am sure he would love to have you as part of the cabinet.” He finally finished with a smile.

Laurens’ face lit up, “Do you really mean that?” He asked, gaining a nod from his beloved Alexander.

Laurens suddenly took Alexander’s face in his hands, bringing it down so he could passionately connect their lips. The action took Hamilton by surprise, but he quickly melted into it before Laurens pulled away to say “I love you so much, Alexander.”

Hamilton never really liked the sound of his name, but from this man’s mouth it seemed to resemble a blessed word. He said it with so much joy that it felt like his name was a ray of light. “And I you, my dear J.” Alex replied as he put his forehead on John’s.

Everything was going to be okay. Laurens survived. They’d  find someone else to lead the regiment. They would fight against slavery together. Things would change, that much was true, but their love would never change. They would always be together, even if they couldn’t be.

 

 

...And the fact that they would have to live in constant fear that their love would be found wouldn’t change either...

**Author's Note:**

> Here you go, have this angsty fic that took me a suspiciously short amount of time to write! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
